I’m not usually a possessive person when it comes to music. I don’t mind duets, remixes or covers, as long as they’re done well, with some integrity and respect to the original song.

Now. That said, sometimes people do terrible things to songs that I love, and it makes me cross. Here are some recent examples, so that if you happen to be a creator of music I like, you literally have no reason to screw things up.

The song: ‘Teenage Kicks’ by The Undertones
The perpetrator: One Direction
The method: Do a Godawful cover version

There’s not much to fault the original; the intro riff is spectacular, the lyrics are great and the lead singer Fergal Sharkey has the best name of anyone in music, ever. Why anyone allowed this cover is beyond me. I want to believe that before long I won’t associate this pop masterpiece with 5 over-sexed hairstyles on legs and that offensive background, but that time won’t come soon enough. Sad face.

The song: ‘Our House’ by Madness
The perpetrator: Birdseye and Suggs
The method: Use it over the top of a cringey advert

This song used to make me think of my family and the house I grew up in. Now whenever I listen to it my memories are clouded with visions of Suggs barging in to my kitchen with trays of undercooked, shiny Fish Fingers and the glazed expression of a sell-out.

The song: ‘Linger’ by The Cranberries
The perpetrator: Adam Sandler in ‘Click’
The method: Be Adam Sandler

This is probably the one that smarts the most. ‘Linger’ is one of those songs that has always been very emotional for me. Then in wades Sandler with his soppy time-twister romvom ‘Click’ and uses the song as a soundtrack to his ham-fisted wooing and re-wooing of his wife. I’m not sure whether it’s the use of the song in such a trite film, the over-egged sentimentality of it all, or just Sandler’s irritating face that winds me up the most, but wind me up it does. The Cranberries are not for you Sandler! Next time, use a Bare Naked Ladies track, like everyone else in Hollywood.